Somedays,
Most days,
Especially most harvest days,
I don't know what I would do or how I would cope without my little (getting bigger) girl.
On Saturday I payed her $4 to clean my kitchen.
She even mopped.
I can not explain the feeling of peace and joy that gave me.
And she did a bang up job. (Of course, most people can clean a kitchen better than me.)
On Sunday I prayed for a miracle.
A mighty change of heart.
I was in a terrible mood and sitting on the chapel bench alone, with 4 kids (3 of them rambunctious and pestering boys), wasn't making it better.
Max refuses to stay put and I had spent the first 20 minutes chasing a baby up and down the aisle. Every time I turned my head (say to pull Cooper of the top of Landon) he would bolt. At one point I thought I'd lost him. And then I looked down the bench. And there was Kami with my baby, my content baby, relaxing on her lap.
The fact that she had him sitting still and smiling was enough to make me cry.
She looked up at me and smiled with her angelic little girl face.
It was my miracle I'd begged my Father in heaven for.
I'm so glad I witnessed that moment.
I will remember that look for the rest of my life.
How did I get so lucky?
I'm a terrible mother for a little girl. I can't do her hair to safe my life and I feel like I'm never doing anything right by her. Like I'm never patient enough, or interested enough. Like I never have time to let her be her instead of using her as an errand runner/babysitter/mess-picker-upper. Somehow she puts up with me and somehow she still loves me. If I were her I'd send me back. (Like Landon said today "Mom, your the worst mom even. Jesus should send you back!")
(side note: Check out Landon's face! CLASSIC)
I took all these pictures the other day with my "telephoto" lens (actually, I don't know if that's the real name. It's just my lens with the mega zoom) and I felt like paparazzi!
It was fun to look through them tonight and realize that I had captured Kami just being Kami: the best big sister EVER!
Love these pictures. Made me cry. She IS such a great sister, daughter. You need to remember that she chose to be the oldest. Might help with some of the guilt. Then again, might not, Just remember those feelings of wonder when she is a teenager and you can't figure her out for the life of you.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I just looked, close up, at the last picture of Landon. Such a classic, typical expression.
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