Don't Tell Your Daughter

Don't EVER tell your daughter you are going to Grandma's house until you are there. Because, the minute you tell her this she will beome an absolute terror. For instance, she will probably say she has to go potty, then go to the bathroom, say she has gone, only to sit down on her bed and go "Oh! mommy look, I go pee pee on my bed, it's all wet." Next she will probably dump a whole big box of Christmas nerds all over her bedroom floor. Then look at you (who, by the way is getting things ready to go to grandma's) and say "I make messes mom." Which then when you ask her to help you clean up, she will purposely make a bigger mess by running her hands through the pile, sending nerds flying through the air to all kinds of nooks and crannies in her room.
You will then find yourself getting very frustrated and so when she dumps out a big bucket of toys for the tenth time after you just told her not to, you will spank her bum. For which she will immediately run away, completely devastated and humiliated, so you will feel bad, apologize for spanking her but let her know why and tell her you love her.
You will think things are good between you and so you will tell her to go play with her brother while you change the wash. A couple seconds later, you will hear a terrible scream coming from said brother. Apparantly your daughter will have taken her beef with you out on her little brother and then throw the duvet on him so as to cover up the evidence. (By the way, he will continue to scream for a good 20 minutes after the incidence)
At such point, after the brother beating, you will tell your daughter that you have had enough and she is being a very naughty girl, therefore she will not be acompanying you, or the rest of the family, to Grandma's house. Of course this doesn't sit over well, and so you bargain with the small child. "Tell your mommy you're sorry, tell your brother you're sorry and put your panties on and then you can go to Grandma's. But you can't be a naughty girl anymore or you cannot come!!"
You won't see this naughty girl for about 1 1/2 minutes until she decides to dump out the game you just told her you weren't going to play (Not a little kid game, lots and lots of small pieces; which subsequently are now all over your floor). Next, when you least suspect it, you will glance up to see her scaling the entertainment center to get to the dvd player. An entertainment center that at any moment could come crashing down on her small frame. Understandably forgivable if this was the first offense, which it is not. No movie for said child, because that is not how we ask to watch a movie, which sends her in a fit of rage. Until, of course, she notices the Balmex. Which immediately gets spread all over her fingers, bum, wall, pretty much everything. This is about the time you call your husband to come and rescue your child from the wrath of her mother. He comes and gets her at 9:05, exactly 1 hour after you first told your daughter you were going to Grandmas.
I tell you this so next time you are tempted in your excitement to tell your daughter you are going to Grandma's house to see all her Aunts and Uncles and cousins - DON'T. And, absolutely DO NOT tell her how much fun you are going to have, or all the yummy food you are going to eat. It will only create a monster. My advice: wait. Wait until you have the car all loaded up and her buckled in her car seat, so when the excitement sets in, she will be properly restrained in said restraining devise and you can arrive semi-sane to Grandma's.
(Oh, and one more thing. Don't let her see you smile when she does any number of these insanely naughty things. For instance, when she flings the camcorder on the floor and then flashes you a big cheesy grin. Don't crack a smile, it will only fuel the fire. No matter how cute or funny she might be, resist. Stay strong and control the laughter in your voice when you tell her that is not acceptable behavior. Good luck, I couldn't do it and things only got worse, now I have a whole box of Teddy Grahams all over my floor.)