Anyway, it got me thinking. Heaven (and husband) only knows the complete slacker I have been as of late. And for those of you who know me really really well. (Even better than Gwen knows me, so that probably only leaves my husband and mom in this category) You will know that I am somewhat of a perfectionist, but not in the sense everyone always thinks about. I don't expect myself to be perfect, I just am very aware of the fact that I should/have the potential to be better.
Anyway, if you still want to be my friend or at least look at me without thinking "I can't believe she does that" you should not read the following. Here is my list of "if I was perfect, this wouldn't happen" (Ignore the 2 #1's blogger and I had a falling out.)
- Kami's new vocabulary consists of the following phrases: "I want you to stop talking, you're bugging me" "Cool it!" "I can't handle this right now" "Stupid dog" ..yeah, guess where she got those from... at least her vocabulary also includes "guess what, I love you"
- I sometimes find myself wishing my dog would run away or get hit by a car so I wouldn't have to deal with the nagging guilt of giving her away. Then I feel even worse because I am wishing her harm instead of love. (My dog and I have issues and I feel like an evil person because I should love her as much as she is willing to love us. This is probably my most difficult scenario right now. By the way, if anyone wants a dog, let us know. And I AM SERIOUS)
- I spend insane amounts of time doing nothing on the computer and not enough time doing something with my children.
- Our TV is on almost 6-8 hours a day. GULP! I don't even like tv. In fact, I pretty much hate the blasted thing. What I can't understand is why I still watch it even though I don't find it enjoyable in the least. For me it is just another noise maker.
- My house is RARELY, and I mean VERY RARELY ever completely clean. And when it is clean, it's not clean for long periods of time. I actually enjoy cleaning, and laundry...can't tell though. (I think I lack get up and go, I dream about things more than I do them)
- I leave food out after meals more often then I put it away. (Please don't judge me, I am so embarrassed.)
- Breakfast is usually eaten around 10:30 (after my kids have snacked on candy, chips, or whatever they find around)
- We usually don't get ready for the day until about lunch time...
- Kami doesn't know how to spell her name or recognize her letters and numbers.
- Lastly, I've spent more time with this post than I have with my children today. (It is only 10:30)
I guess I don't really know the purpose of this post, maybe to let you all know that I'm not perfect (although you probably already know that) But also to let you know that at the same time, I'm not trying to be a slacker. I'm working on the things that I don't like in my life and making changes. It doesn't mean I think I am a bad/lazy person, it means I am embracing the opportunity to be better. I encourage everyone else to do the same, and in the same spirit. Don't beat yourself up for things, nobody's perfect. But at the same time don't give up on the potential you have.
"Go boldly in the direction of your dreams...live the life you have imagined" - Henry David Thoreau
I think all of us live in a space where we have all kinds of guilt over things we know we can change. To some extent we can expect to live with guilt until we die because we are moms and it is our birthright. However, KUDOS to you for for examining yourself with heartbreaking honesty. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. "Hello, my name is Emily."
ReplyDelete"Hi Emily"
"I am a lousy housekeeper. I haven't done my laundry in 2 weeks."
"Good first step, Emily. No one judges at Guilty Moms Annonymous."
You're welcome to join.
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI smiled when I read this post. Not a laughing smile, an understanding smile. What you are forgetting is that this is just part of a phase of life that you are going through. Give yourself a fair shake. When Landon is 6 months old, you will look back at what happened when he was a newborn and sigh. Your children know that you love them, that is what matters. Do you remember the poem about "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby, cuz babies don't keep"? Anyway, it goes something like that. I used to want to post it on the front door of our house as a disclaimier when you kids were little.
This to shall pass. Give yourself a break. By the way. I don't want your dog.
Okay so I have to say that I went to the website and also smiled aunderstanding smile but at the sametime I walked away thinking that these poor mommies are very competitive! Yes, you know what my house looks like etc, etc, but I also know that why it may contribute to my Insanity at times my kids and husband know that at the end of the day they are loved. Best of luck though on reaching your goals!!!
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