Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

My sister KeiLani came out 2 weeks ago and decided to spend a portion of her summer with us. She left on Saturday. Obviously she had had enough of us and all disillusions she had of how amazing I am have been shattered. I'm not sure she reads my blog, because if she did, she would have known what she was in for.
Poor sucker, never saw it coming:
KeiLani's first real day at our house we made bubble prints, did our chores, played on the "water slide" and all amounts of awesomeness (I must say, I was off to a good start.) The very next day KeiLani left with my husband and the youth of our stake on a 17 mile bike trip.
Now enter the real world: day 3, right before we were to leave for my cousins wedding reception, Cooper took scissors to his hair, which resulted in a quick buzz job 10 minutes before reception time. (Subsequently Cooper continued to nick little pieces out of his hair the entire time she was visiting.) I managed to find the scissors but was unable to locate the hair until the next morning when KeiLani was skilled enough to drop her breakfast burrito in it.
Appetizing.
Thursday, day four, well lets just say this is when my children hit their stride. Fortunately for me I have an eye witness account in KeiLani, otherwise you all would never believe such horrific things could happen to a person as nice as I am.

Believe it people.
My children are no respectors of person.

Let's start at the beginning of the day, shall we: 8:30 am, Cooper, while carrying around 2 random eggs that would have been used for breakfast, drops an egg on the kitchen floor. cool. He then hands the other egg off to Landon who uses a spatula and goes machete style on the raw egg.... on my living room carpet. super cool.
Poor mother (me) is trying to spend the day getting my chores done (poor KeiLani didn't realize chores and dinner making was pretty much all I did all day. Sorry I'm boring...) While said poor mother is cleaning the bathroom...

Stop reading now if poop disgusts you.
you have been warned.

Landon sticks the toilet brush in the toilet, full of his sisters poop (Kami has a phobia about flushing poop down the toilet, I don't get it, but it grosses Brandon out.) Then he uses the toilet brush to "scrub" poop all over my bathroom floor. When his mommy freaks out (naturally) and takes the brush away, he bends down and smears the poop around with his fingers. much better. While poor mother is scrubbing up poop, Cooper uses the opportunity to squish grapes all over the living room carpet. nice.
At this point KeiLani just shook her head and called my mom so they could both laugh at me.

I have several more highlights and I'm sure KeiLani could add her mortification to this list, however, since it is getting long, and we haven't even made it to the end of week one, (It now makes perfect sense why KeiLani was calling mom in tears by Sunday, I'm so sorry.) I will just conclude with the one that sticks out in the forefront of my memory at this current moment.
Kameryn, while trying to emulate her brother, urinated all over the toilet and bathroom floor. It was an emotionally trying talk when we had to explain to Kameryn that girls just couldn't pee standing up like boys... poor girl. She was completely devastated.

So, as you can tell, it doesn't take a genius to see why KeiLani hightailed it out of here as fast as her little legs could carry her. We did have some promising moments where I almost proved I was cool, but unfortunately, with my track record, I just couldn't muster up a believable enough front.

KeiLani, we love you.
We understand if you never want to speak to us again.