Little Letters

Dear Ornery Child,
I don't think it is fair that you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and then I have to deal with your shenanigans. So, don't be surprised when I put you right back in your bed.
... and also, throwing a can of Pepsi at me, so not cool little boy.

Hugs and Kisses, mommy

Dear pesky annoying fly,
You've been flying around my head for the last 15 minutes. Please land so I can kill you.

xx

Dear Husband,
I love you. Thank you for cleaning the vast amounts of throw-up we experienced this week. That makes you awesome.

- Love, wee-fay.

which reminds me:

Dear throw-up,
We are not friends, and I would appreciate it if you didn't come to visit again. FOR A VERY LONG TIME!

With pure, unadulterated hatred, Not amused.

Dear Beautiful New Bathroom,
I love you. You were worth all the blood, sweat, and tears. (And the Stacy London hairstyle that lasted for a week.)

Sincerely, Pleased.

My dear miss Demi Lovato,
I desperately want to go to your concert but my husband thinks I am too old. I'm not too old huh? It would be fun huh? Please call my husband and tell him it would be fun. Thank you.

Signed, Elderly and Uncool.

Dear school,
I think you are evil and I would appreciate it if you stopped luring my child to you with thoughts of friends and learning. Just not cool. Keep your business to yourself and leave me my daughter.
P.S. I'm sorry if this is harsh, I'm sure I'll like you better in a couple years.

-Despair

Dear Husband, (you get two because I love you so much)
Tiger Safari is not a good activity. It's a good thing you are cute and easily forgivable. Also, I miss you. Please come home.

Sincerely, Traumatized.

Dear Home Appraiser,
Please agree with me and think my home is adorable and worth millions of dollars. We would really like all our dreams to come true.
Also, I would appreciate it if you would ignore the leaky basement and the garage roof.

- George Washington
(do you get what I mean...)