...and this is why I win the ultimate klutz award:

It pains me to write these things people. To let you into the inner sanctum of my patheticness. But, when poor Kami is my age and being bombarded by the same level of physical pain and emotional embarrassment that I do every day, well, she's going to want reassurance that she's not alone.

I am so selfless it kills me.

Yesterday I was teaching piano lessons (as I do every Wednesday), and Kami wanted me to get her tea set down. Their toys are on the top shelf of their closet right now because their other shelves keep ripping out of the wall. (don't ask)

So, as I'm pulling down her tea set, the lid slips off the bucket and the very thin, very painful edge smacks me right in between the eyes; on the bridge of my nose.

Of course I start crying, and of course my piano student is waiting patiently on the piano bench. So, naturally I feign like I have to go to the bathroom so I can hide in there until my tears dry up. Which, of course, gives my injury the perfect amount of time to turn red and swell.

So, I taught the remainder of my piano lessons with a big red swollen bump on my nose, quite confident that at any moment I was going to have two big black eyes like a raccoon.

We have these storage bins from Ikea, in case you're curious. I highly recommend them. They are very sturdy, relatively inexpensive, very easy for the children to replace the lids, and very painful when they fall on you. Notice how the lid has very thin, painful looking edges... (they, of course, are not at all dangerous, unless you are me - naturally)

Moral of the story, I'm moving their toys to the ground level. I don't care if I have to pick them up 12 times as often, at least they won't be trying to kill me.

(Brandon kindly pointed out that, with my luck, I was likely to throw out my back if I moved the toys to the floor. I would probably trip over something and somersault to my doom. I appreciated his reassurance.)

Might I also mention that neither my husband nor my mother were the least bit surprised by the events that unfolded and they both had a hearty laugh at my expense.

It's a wonder I'm still friends with them.

(and yes, that might be a threat. Stop laughing at me. I have feelings.)

More humiliatingly painful stories: here and here. Believe me, I have more. But I still want to be cool. So I'm only giving you two.