Sometimes in life you get blessed with something so ridiculously amazing you spend your entire life being so filled with gratitude you feel as if you could burst or cry. I feel that way about my kids, about my family, and about the gospel. But, most of all, I feel that way about you Brandon.
Usually I can write down exactly what I am thinking. Exactly how I am feeling. But with you none of the adjectives seem big enough. None of the phrases seem special enough. Even "I love you" feels like it falls flat, overdone, far to simple a phrase to explain how I feel about you. Can it encompass the way you make my heart flip-flop when you smile at me yet still describe the void I feel when you are away? When I say "I love you so much" do you hear "Oh my gosh man my insides are doing so many crazy things I can't make heads or tails of anything but you". Because if I say I love you I want you to hear: I love you. I need you. I am grateful for you. I want you. I appreciate you. You make me better. You make me happy. You are patient. You are kind. You are incredible. You are so handsome. You are my everything. I love you. And still it doesn't feel like I've explained it well enough.
When I say "I am so grateful for you" or "Thank you so much" do you realize that those two little letters s-o mean mean "I was so tired, so overwhelmed that I didn't think I could do it one more second" or that they mean "I see you. I notice you. I see all those tiny little things you do for me everyday. I see the way you get out of bed when you're tired and go to work anyway. I notice that you wake up and take care of the kids so I can sleep after a long night. I hear you say 'be quiet, mom's trying to sleep.' I notice what you sacrifice for me." Thank you. Does it mean that? Because it does. It means that whatever you just did for me made me better, made my day better, made my life better; just having you in it. Knowing you think about me. S-O those little letters are supposed to acknowledge those "little" things. I am so grateful for you.
When I type the words: Brandon is such an amazing father, that word "amazing" is supposed to describe the way you wrestle with the kids, the smile Max gets when he hears your voice, the way you can make the kids giggle until they explode. The patient way you teach them to be better. The way you talk to them. The look in your eyes when you see them or tell people stories about them. The joy you have to be with them and they have to be with you. Your desire to do good by them. The fact that you work everyday to provide for them. Amazing means that you are an example to them, a friend, a mentor, a helper, a constant. But that is not how Webster describes it so I worry that you don't get the full depth of my meaning. You are amazing. In everything you do. But, in particular, you are an amazing father.
Sometimes I tell you "You are the man of my dreams". It probably sounds cliche because sometimes people say things like that and they don't mean it. I, however, usually mean what I say. I mean that I literally looked at you and thought "I couldn't have imagined a more perfect man for me. When I imagined my future husband I imagined him doing exactly as your doing now... but even still not as amazing as you." Like yesterday I watched you rake leaves in the backyard with the kids. I watched you interact with them. I watched you teach them an easier way to do things. And, this might not exactly be g-rated for the blog, but I watched you work (you know, muscles and stuff...) and I thought "this man right here in my backyard is THE dream man... and he belongs to me." That makes me so lucky. Don't you see? Everyday I am so lucky and grateful that you are who you are and that you chose to be mine.
Brandon Bowen, I love you. A lot. Happy Birthday best friend.
